Posted on January 30th, 2010

by Gomin Dayasri

By gad, God, you look devilish, “ shrieked the Holy Ghost, holding the election results.

I am seriously considering whether to stop creating Colombians, those tumbler talking men gargling their throats with strong drink and inflated women with deformed minds spinning yarn. A lost generation.” replied the good God forever protecting endangered species.

I beseech m’Lud, Lanka, will perish out of boredom, if that tribe does not multiply“ said a ghoulish sound.

True, but refined, independent and cultured live in Colombo- they have to be saved from possible contamination mostly from the virus emanating from the sounds of the loquacious Lumpen Colombian females“ mumbled the Immortal Saver.

(Dialogues with God 3.14.6.)

 For once, the Colombians have gained fame in the academic realm, as subjects of a socio-anthropological study. They were primarily responsible for the defeat of Sarath Fonseka by brazenly pronouncing the defeat of Mahinda Rajapakse prematurely; lost an election they would have won. With their garrulous talk, these town criers gave the wrong signals to galvanize the People to rally round MR. If only they were taught to control their body language Rajapakse would have lived in cuckoo-land and lost an election which he foolishly imagined he was winning comfortably. Rajapakse would have known only after he lost -if not for the Colombians. They talked too much, too big, too long. The doctoral study of the Colombian Doctrine described its inhabitants with a single word: LOUD.

Colombians were indeed baffled, for a while, as how to vote? By habit they voted for the Elephant, which was another status symbol like the embassy invitation cards, pictures in the Hi magazine, shoes bought from abroad, flashy company cars and flights abroad. Indeed the field was bare without the herd from the animal farm.

Sure, Foney, was a wimp. High in the Colombian “ƒ”¹…”hit list’ as a warlord advocating the elimination of the Tigers but his decision to contest Mahinda Rajapakse made him to be born again. More heroic than when engaged in fighting the LTTE, which is a lesser evil, to MR. Sure the bad guy who fought the LTTE became the good guy willing to den MR. This was indeed the mistress of all battles for the Colombians. JVP being associated with the Elephants cleansed them of past impurities with Somawansa becoming a genial Red Uncle. If the Marxists can defeat the Nationalistic Talibans they could launch the green revolution. It mattered little that SF was under the hammer and sickle. A genuine war criminal of the past now holding the holy grail dressed in lily white; getting more credit for attempting to slay MR than eliminating dear Prabha.

 So the Colombians commenced work on a new venture to test the water- doing election surveys on their own among themselves and reached findings that were sweet to the ear. They asked each other during the Christmas vacation “”…” at cocktail parties, house dinners, Christmas functions, New Year dances, while on holiday with their families and friends, clubs and cafes and in the embassy circuit and mostly on the telephone and in office, how Sarath Fonseka is doing?

 They read the crazy rumors on the internet from the Colombo Diaspora more hysterical than their counterparts back home, watched breaking news on frantic SMS messages, listened to the hocus pocus on the telephone, memorized the muck on the Generals web, picked the racy Sinhala idiom on the popular TV and placed small money on the stock market, which made them feel better. It was a count down time for happy days to begin again. They behaved more like Mervyn Silva on a swan song. In their small minds they were searching for new office under a regime change.

 Big City Talk a.k.a Political Bluff was on; Mahinda was on the verge of being toppled which within a short time reached euphoric heights of Sarath winning comfortably on a 55 % to 45% margin. Overnight they became experts on rural voting patterns and on the thinking in the countryside. They quoted names and designations with fabricated sources for gaining authenticity Repetition made them convinced of their own fairy tales. It was relayed by word of mouth gaining momentum with added embroidery as it spread far and wide. Some Aged Bunnies became arrogant, flushed with the scent of victory any harsh word against the candidate carried the threat of a written complaint to the General to await punishment. Such was confidence misplaced, among hysterical women.

 Their bulk samples were collected from their own peer group for analysis for their election surveys. Traditionally, Colombians have faith and trust in Colombians and think they know best. They dare not ask another, fearing the unhappy response they may receive, would send a chill down their spine. Undesired and unfriendly information, when heard, are discounted conveniently as baseless. They live happily in their own small world in style and splendor with their tiny tot brain cells working overtime. They refused to give a hearing to a contrary view and when heard, quashed it with arrogance. A messenger with bad news was taboo in their company.

 Joyfully they absorbed what they desired to believe. They ushered 2010 on a spirited new high. As New Year broke cried themselves hoarse Fonsekata Jayawewa and this was to be the year of their lifetime with more and more happy tales pouring from the similar sources until the election day. Confidence reached bursting point after discussions held among them.

 If you were not a Fonseka Fan it was not safe to visit a social gathering of the Colombians “”…” unless willing to be mentally tortured with the sneering and the jeering with hints galore. Find yourself as a rejected outsider.

 Visualize that moment of glory if indeed SF won, what would the Colombians have done? Sure, going berserk There would have being voodoo celebrations- series of joyous telephone calls , week of victory parties, gorging food and drink, pumped up heads held inches above the necks in office, rushing desperately to contact Ravi and Rosie. Now the subdued talk is on emigrating in search of democracy and decency. It is a temporary phenomenon to overcome a slight mental depression. The ailment travels along with the cycle of elections, but many are veterans of 15 consecutive defeats that they have their own home therapies to overcome the momentary setback to rebound to the social circuit.

 Colombians knew the issue to peddle from their personal experience was corruption and nepotism; those who talked most on the subject are those of the Colombians who practice the twin evils most. Rajapakses’ with their evil activities atop the family tree provided so much ammunition to give credibility to spin any yarn to sound credible. So to fabricate chain messages and spread it around was the Colombian contribution to the Fonseka campaign. Their short stories grew tall, as it rolled on; soon gossip that commenced as hearsay ended as eyewitness first person true- to- life accounts, to give it greater authenticity.

 The Colombians failed to play the trump they had in hand to the maximum- the cost of living, they did not feel it so badly. The advertising community, the high priests of the Colombians, naturally peddled both candidates with the wrong issues, while picking their pockets.

 Eagerly they waited for the night of elections with food and drink waiting for the happy days to begin again. Some cuddled in privacy of the home to savor the moment of glory but most huddled in groups to party while gleefully awaiting the result to make it the night of nights. Never were they closer to take the winners plunge at the finishing tape.

 In retrospect, SF shares one characteristic with our Ranil; both sound better with their mouths closed. Both excel at wrong talk but at least our Ranil is not crude and does not use barrack language. If only they take a lesson from the Colombians as to master the art of winning friends and influencing people- the sweet talk that can win over, all sides all the time.

 A new test has been formulated to distinguish the refined Colombo folk from the jolly Colombians. Are you or are you not repelled by SF’s gutter talk? Crudities are the Colombians. They refer to SF’s foul language only after the defeat as a reason for his dismal showing.

 In the homes of Colombo it is whispered the forces of evil for the unexpected calamity were (a) SF’s brash unfriendly demeanor (b) SF’s close connection to the JVP rather than the UNP (c) SF’s over powering military image (d) links with Sambandan (in that order).

 The morning after is hard. The results are unbelievable. Don’t analyze the verdict merely call it a fraud. The post mortem is limited to a hushed discussion with the closest of the Colombians unlike during the pre election period when brash talk was heard far and wide. Yesterday’s hero is today’s villain while peace talks are to commence with MR’s friends. To be in that circle can be expensive but it in necessary to be in circulation. Now is the time to play in the opposite camp at the General election and to stay away from the General.

One Response to “COLOMBIAN POLL”

  1. cassandra Says:

    All very interesting but who exactly are the ‘Colombians’? I see a number of people writing about this group but unless you define clearly who you mean, all this writing is a bit confusing.

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