Wedding gifts
Posted on July 14th, 2012

By Dr. Mrs. Mareena Thaha Reffai, Dehiwela.

It has become a custom to send wedding invitations which say  “Avoid gifts” or “Please do not bring gifts.” Exchangign gifts is  a wonderful way of showing love and affection. In fact Prophet (sal) said “Exchange gifts, for it increases brotherhood  amongst you.” He even went on to say ” Do not refuse a gift however small it is.” So requesting not to bring gifts is going against the teaching of the

Prophet(sal) .

All of us know that receiving a gift, although we are not in need,  is a pleasant experience. It is not really the monetary value of the gift, rather the thought that matters.  Wedding is a wonderful time to show your appreciation of a friend, a relative or even a colleague.

And in fact there may be couples who are in need of gifts. It is a lovely way  to give them what they really need without making them feel they are being looked down upon.

Why people have started this horrible practice may be because of not wanting to  feel obliged, or even a show of  pomposity “”…” “I am not in need of anyone’s gifts” sort of attitude. Or not wanting to keep records and “pay back” when a function comes in the family of the person who gave you a gift. This robs the essence of gift giving. A gift is for the sake of gift giving “”…” not expecting anything in return.

In place of guests giving a gifts to the wedding couple, a more pompous practice has taken place “”…” that is to give gifts for the guests. This puts a lot of pressure on the families of the couple for they try to beat each other in excelling the gifts. In addition to the wedding expenditure this becomes a burden as everyone tries to keep par with the Jones.

When we give a gift we must look at the person and give what they will appreciate. And what will be useful. I think a rich person could be given less and the poor more, not vice versa, as we often do.

3 Responses to “Wedding gifts”

  1. mjaya Says:

    What people do during their weddings is a personal matter.

    If you are trying to drag religion into this, then its the same religion that advocates the slaughter of innocent animals to commemorate holy days. If you lived life according to your religion, then you wouldn’t be allowed to learn, become a doctor, let alone drive a car in the first place. Had you been Rizana Nawfeek you will be on death row for a crime you didn’t even commit! So be thankful for the tolerant culture you are living in that shows tolerance to all living beings alike!

    It looks like you are short of Saudi handouts due to the $130 billion Saudi government spending on concessions to Saudis to quell the Arab Spring.

  2. Dham Says:

    Prophet did not say “Exchange gifts, for it increases sisterhood amongst you.” . Why ?
    How can we then accept words of such a discriminatroy religion.
    “ Do not refuse a gift however small it is.” – which is true, threfore do not complain when they give gifts for the guests.

    Acutally speaking , “GIVER SHALL BE THANKFUL’ as the wise man Nisargadatta maharaj said.

    We are yet to see Muslims give some gifts to Buddhist. When Sunami hit Hambantota, our Buddhist monks build houses to Muslims. Can you answer our concerns. We know you are an extremist muslim woman and you only help Muslims.

    If you cannot think properly do not write articles. We are still waiting you love and compassion to direct towards Miss Naffek. Where is your love ?

    Don’t bring Saudi valus to us. We have our own.

    “Don’t bring gifts” is a good thing. If people want they still can give cash gifts to recover some costs. Rich people do not need gifts but they want to be generous and celebrate. What’s wrong with that. Just follow your prophet and accept their invitation.

  3. callistus Says:

    Mareena, you are back. We missed your comedy column.

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