Dr.Tilak Fernando

Too much of the wifeƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s possessiveness also can create the path for another woman to enter a manƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s life. Some men do confess that they get the repugnant feeling of their wives want to ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”swallowƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ them alive! It is when she turns into a witch and expects the husband to do everything together, even sharing every thought with her. Naturally, even some strong men folk get suffocated in such circumstances and feel hemmed in

Extra marital affairs have been in existence from time immemorial. In ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”sophisticatedƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ societies it has become a fashion to boost oneƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s self-esteem to say that he/she has a ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”lover on the sideƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢! Although it is regarded as morally wrong and sinful, yet millions of husbands and wives in modern times do fall prey to this unfortunate serpent where families breakdown and, in most cases, end up in divorce and innocent children are left to pick up emotional pieces left from their parents!

In the case of a man having an affair with another woman, wife is the last person to know that her husband has strayed. She may vaguely come to know about it from the communityƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s tittle-tattle behind her back until a well-meaning friend decides to let the cat out of the bag to keep her friendƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s family intact. Alternatively, the husband finally eases his conscience to his wife with the truth.

No other fiasco is analysed so cautiously as love when a husband is ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”having it awayƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ with another woman because it can be the greatest tragedy and disgrace that a marriage can suffer from. Firstly the wifeƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s ego will become bruised, later turn into anger, hatred, jealousy, pain, humiliation and finally desperation begins to struggle for supremacy in the womanƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s inner being.

Sometimes, the ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”other womanƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ can be the best friend of the wife or the husbandƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s colleague or just a faceless name out of a series of casual flings, or even a ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”one-night standƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢! But, rest assured, her obnoxious presence will be everywhere from the whiff of her perfume on his shirt or an ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”idiotic unguent smileƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ on his face gives him away when he thinks nobody is looking at him; or even the extravagant gift he buys for the wife to ease his conscience.

Rational analysis

On a rational analysis one may try to understand a manƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s need for another woman in the first place. Quite often she may appear as a substitute to resolve a problem that stems directly from the marital bed – such as frigidity, limited libido or just plain boredom. The romantic woman fed on a diet of Mills and Boon novels may not distinguish the difference between purely physical and emotional feelings.

Some presume that it is this misunderstanding of the male libido that prevents a woman from evaluating the true nature of her husbandƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s behaviour, and the fact that another woman overcrowding their marriage may not mean that all is not well with a marriage!

Many men swear and say that they love their wives. When confronted they would simply say they are ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”just men who need varietyƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢! For this category of men, the other woman seems to make them feel good. They like to think that they are being discreet when they boast about saying that their ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”affairsƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ are not relationships but something like eating out when they are hungry, yet they like their wifeƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s home cooking the bestƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢!

In certain cases, after the wife gives birth to two or three children she begins to demonstrate that she does not want sex anymore. In such a scenario among professional elite classes, the husband may approach his secretary! The wife may not know about the husbandƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s new relationship, yet to the husband, his wife comes first in every respect even under such circumstances.

Tempting attributes

Too much of the wifeƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s possessiveness also can create the path for another woman to enter a manƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s life. Some men do confess that they get the repugnant feeling of their wives want to ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”swallowƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ them alive! It is when she turns into a witch and expects the husband to do everything together, even sharing every thought with her. Naturally, even some strong men folk get suffocated in such circumstances and feel hemmed in. Unnecessary suspicions by wives also can lead to arguments, tears and tantrums but such behaviour will not help at all in a marriage except driving the man away, may be to an affair which he may not even had thought out before!

In certain cases it is not sex alone that is most important in a marriage, but the total relationship and companionship that counts. When women try to use sex as a bribe or a weapon, it opens up a different chapter where they donƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢t have much to say to one another and the other woman may become a convenient route out of friction under such domestic roof.

What are the characteristics of this ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”other womanƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ men seek at times? She may not always have to be sexy, glamorous, pampered wicked creature that the wife may imagine.

She might even be older or less attractive or not so educated as the wife, but for sure ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”the intruderƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ will be riddled with guilt and resentment with a manƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s part-time loyalty, his part-time presence, full of fear too about losing her looks and losing her lover altogether, and most often she becomes lonesome.

The wife has the first claim to her husbandƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s surname, his children, birthday, holidays, social life and other celebrations. The ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”other womanƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ has to put up with gossip and people cutting her dead and sniggering behind her back. After a while solitary nights, secrecy, stress, guilt and fantasy may become impossible for her to maintain forever.

When the excitement of an affair begins to wear down her lover, in all probability, he will get back to his wife and his family where he legally belongs, because it will become difficult for him too to stand the emotional, physical and financial strain of leading a knife-edged double life.

It is unfortunate that like anything else in todayƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s world where money making takes precedence, unscrupulous and so-called ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”elite married dating servicesƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ entice vulnerable folk discreetly to ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”married datingƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ or ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”extra marital affairsƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ with promises of ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”finding real matching partners without upsetting their home life and balance.

tilakfernando@gmail.com