Dr. Tilak Fernando

Although there were several ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”hard nutsƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ with ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”light fingersƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ at our college, there was always an unwritten law that no one should steal from classmates. Whenever there was any such misdeed our drawing master became a self appointed ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”criminal investigatorƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ with his remarkable psychological tactics. Apart from his yarns, he was very popular for his self-styled investigations and earned another nickname as the ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”PWC CIDƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢.

As opposed to his hunting revelations, he managed to condition the minds of students to make them believe that he practised voodoo (mantra) too! – Needless to say the boys were alarmed to a certain extent.

With a puny frame and 4ft 8 in tall, in Western attire, collar black tie and a pair of dark glasses, he quite fitted to the have role of ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”CIDƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ investigator! Had he worn a British style Puggaree hat and the bowed pipe, he could easily have been a replica of Sherlock Holmes.

Spirits, ghosts or jinns (smoky type) are believed to be the souls or spirits of the deceased who appear in barely visible wispy shapes to give realistic lifelike visions or other manifestation to the living, His stories about dabbling in the supernatural world made desperate students to seek his assistance whenever there was a need.

Becoming exceedingly popular in his analytical activities the college magazine – The Cambrian – too carried his caricature once under the caption – CID PWC with an outsized head, dark glasses and a teensy figure in trouser suit.

Unique approach

The beauty of it was that everyone accepted his ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”black magicƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ when he always came up with positive results at the end. His normal psychology during an investigation was to lecture the whole class with graphic details on supernatural beings and their activities. He then clenched his fist and whispered into it, as if to fire up a mantra, while closely watching every face with an eagle eye through his dark glasses to detect any change of countenance on a face.

Naturally, in such circumstances the guilty students cracked-up mentally and got exposed. He subsequently approached the targeted student and had a polite conversation privately ensuring not to embarrass the offender. It is immaterial what transpired during the dialogue, but at the end of the day lost items were found without much damage to anyoneƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s reputation or embarrassment, which could be put down to his ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”undercoverƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ skills.

Once there was a novel experience when a boy who complained about his bicycle bell-cup going missing within the college premises. The student complained to the ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”CID at PWCƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢. That time it was a different technique altogether. He requested all students in the classroom to write their names down on a piece of paper, rolled up the name tags and placed them in a container.

While going through a gamut of supernatural experiences his vigilant eye started rolling from one corner to the other creating a scene of a melo-drama. Suddenly the school bell rang for morning tea break. Students ran up to ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”Top CharlieƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s tuck shopƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ to buy a patty and a large mug of tea which cost only ten cents. In the meantime, he walked up to some Endaru bushes in the garden, plucked a leaf and wrote the name of the nervous looking boyƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s on his left palm with latex of the plant. When the latex dried the stains remained on the palm embossed.

Once the teaching resumed after the interval, he set fire to the rolled up name tags and rubbed burnt residue of ash on his palms until the latex writing carrying the name of the student became prominent. Finally the bell-cup miraculously appeared on the bicycle handle thus solidifying his ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”Sherlock HolmesƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ tactics further.

Uniform and power

ThereƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s a certain amount of truth in the saying that the personality of anyone in a uniform changes, be it a security guard or a top ranking official. This I experienced when I was a junior cadet and recall how pompously I rode my bicycle to College wearing my cadet uniform for Cadet Practice.

The most embarrassing incident of all PWC activities took place when the Junior Cadet Platoon went to Boosa Camp for an annual competition. On the final day, prior to the inspection ceremony, we were given a thorough lecture on discipline, how to look smart in uniform, polish shoes to look like a mirror and very especially how to behave while in the camp. We were strictly advised to salute any officer during the day or night time when we came face to face.

One evening three of us were walking up to the canteen when Tissa suddenly got excited having spotted someone in uniform. He immediately assumed an ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”attentionƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ position and saluted to the official in uniform to be realise later that he had mistakenly greeted the Bugler! The poor fellow got a belly full of honking by the rest of us including a good supply of toothpaste all over his body while he was fast asleep and snoring.

During the final day official drill ceremony all college platoons paraded to be adjudged on a competitive scale, one after the other, from physical training skills to marching modes. It was a moment that made everyone anxious as the winning of the Cup depended on the absolute performance of the platoon.

I can never forget how Mr. Perera, our Contingent Master shrieked, under his breath, while grinding teeth, having noticed one of my white socks had disappeared into tennis shoes during physical training inspection.

Mr. Perera had a shattering voice which was suited to command a platoon. In an attempt to shoot his mouth off and boast about his commanding cadence he decided to stand quite a few yards away from the platoon while a Senior Judge observed our performance to allocate marks.

We marched perfectly to a rhythm until Mr. Perera attempted to show off his dominant tenor and stood quite a few yards behind the platoon and commanded, ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”SquadƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚¦ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚¦. Right FormƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚¦ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚¦ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚¦.! It was a disaster indeed! Two lines of the platoon turned to the right and the other two lines to the left turning the whole operation into such a muddle. Naturally we lost to St. SebastianƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s College that year.

tilakfernando@gmail.com