{"id":96793,"date":"2019-12-23T17:46:33","date_gmt":"2019-12-24T00:46:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lankaweb.com\/news\/items\/?p=96793"},"modified":"2019-12-23T17:46:33","modified_gmt":"2019-12-24T00:46:33","slug":"how-to-make-swiss-cheese-a-low-grade-cheese-full-of-holes-and-the-fake-legend-of-william-tell","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lankaweb.com\/news\/items\/2019\/12\/23\/how-to-make-swiss-cheese-a-low-grade-cheese-full-of-holes-and-the-fake-legend-of-william-tell\/","title":{"rendered":"How to make Swiss cheese (a low-grade cheese full of holes) and the fake legend of William Tell."},"content":{"rendered":"

Rudra de Zoysa.<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n

The Swiss have contributed only 2 things to \nhuman civilisation \u2013 cuckoo clocks \n<\/a>and secret bank accounts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The abduction of Garnia Bannister Francis is a \ntotal fabrication similar to the story of William Tell. Tell was a farmer who \nlived about 700 years ago and was supposed to be good at shooting his cross \n-bow. He shot an apple off his young son`s head and became a national hero. The \nfake legend of Tell extols his marksmanship and fight against Albrecht Gessler a \ndictator, but hardly any mention is made of his son\u2019s bravery to keep the apple \non the head. Even Rossini composed an overture for William Tell. Tell\u2019s son kept \nan apple on his head on November 19, 1307. Apparently Tell killed Gessler on 25 \nNovember 1307 and so, Tell, the national hero, is sculpted in stone, in bronze, \nin wax, in wood and in chocolate.  In 2019 Garnia made up her story on 25 \nNovember. What a coincidence! Garnia\u2019s story is like Swiss cheese – full of \nholes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, the Swiss Ambassador to Sri Lanka, Mr. \nMock (what an unfortunate name!) was gullible enough to believe Garnier and \nthought this was a fantastic story to censure our newly elected President, his \ngovernment and Sri Lanka in general. So, what did Mock do? He started to lie \nabout Garnier\u2019s health and asked Sri Lanka to follow due process. He fired \nseveral shots at our government, but all of them missed the target – the bullets \nricochet off one of the mara trees that line Gregory\u2019s Road (R G Senanayake \nMawatha) and hit the organ that defines Mock\u2019s manhood. Now Mock thought he was \nfully conversant with all the finer points of diplomatic protocol. However, \nPresident Rajapaksa gave Mock a dressing down. We now have a special emissary to \npatch up the Swiss f… up in Colombo.  Mock is a charlatan. Actually, I do not \nblame him all together but I do blame his mother for conceiving such an \nimposter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our President did the right thing and handled \nthe fracas skilfully. I recommend that we make sculptures of our President in \nmarble and in Swiss chocolate and place them opposite the Swiss Embassy on R G \nSenanayake Mawatha. President \nRajapaksa protected our international dignity and integrity.  As for me, I will \nshun all Swiss products till such time as the lying Swiss ambassador formally \napologises to our President and the people of Sri Lanka for the sham \norchestrated by him. When he does apologise make him persona non grata \n<\/em>and send him home. I urge all national minded persons to boycott all \nimported Swiss products till this formal apology is given by Mock or his \nsurrogate. As a first step I applied some disinfectant to my Swiss watch and \nthrew in to the rubbish bin.  Mr. Mock, I have no Swiss bank account (covert or \novert) but listen carefully – the cuckoo clock is ticking.
—
Rudra de \nZoysa<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Rudra de Zoysa. The Swiss have contributed only 2 things to human civilisation \u2013 cuckoo clocks and secret bank accounts. The abduction of Garnia Bannister Francis is a total fabrication similar to the story of William Tell. Tell was a farmer who lived about 700 years ago and was supposed to be good at shooting […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":true,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-96793","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-forum","category-politics"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lankaweb.com\/news\/items\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/96793","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lankaweb.com\/news\/items\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lankaweb.com\/news\/items\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lankaweb.com\/news\/items\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lankaweb.com\/news\/items\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=96793"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lankaweb.com\/news\/items\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/96793\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lankaweb.com\/news\/items\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=96793"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lankaweb.com\/news\/items\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=96793"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lankaweb.com\/news\/items\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=96793"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}