THANK YOU HOLY GHOST FOR READING THIS
Every time I pick up an English daily in Colombo I am tickled pink.
Not on account of those hilarious antics of the native politicians colorfully
relayed by the local rags or even by those exaggerated fairy tales concocted
by the terror supporting peaceniks; these can be rib tickling enough,
but it is those bizarre type of 'thank you' ads, which gives me a kick
in the head.
Why such 'thank you' notes should find its way into the Sri Lankan
dailies was an enigma for quite a while to me. I mulled over the puzzle
until the obvious fact hit me like a ton of bricks. Indeed, in the world
where the Catholic saints reside they don't print newspapers. So the
faithful are unable get their 'thank you' ads printed in the world of
the saints. Besides, no postal services are functioning between the
worlds of the dear departed Catholic saints and that of ours, hence
impossible to forward letters of appreciation to them for the services
rendered. We cross such messages of appreciation almost daily in the
English news media. For sake of study let me quote a few short freshly
Thanksgiving; Holy St. Jude Helper of the Desperate My Humble Thanks for the favor granted.
Now the name of the 'thankee' (As a necessity, I coined the word 'thankee'
to identify the person who is placing the 'thank you' ad, for want of
a better word. Also as a rule the advertiser's name remains anonymous,
with some initials placed as a signature). Which logically follows that
who ever the saint a particular 'thank you' announcement is addressed
to, that Catholic saint knows miraculously, the name of the 'thankee'
placing the related ad? But curiously, on the other hand, these heavenly
angles are unable to use their magical powers to tap into the message
itself, unless they appear in Sri Lankan dailies in black and white.
That must be the reason why such message should be specifically printed
in a newspaper, which will inform the appropriate saint that the 'thankee'
has got his prayer fulfilled and this is the 'thank you' as per contract.
We have to assume then that, St. Anthony on waking up in the morning,
leaves aside his busy schedule and deliberates; "now has Mary Magdalena
(I have given a good catholic name here to offer an identity to the
'thankee', which helps the reader to be more intimately associated with
the subject) thanked me for that special favor I rendered to her the
other day. And I expect her to thank me in the Daily News, so all and
sundry will be able to note how helpful I have been. If she lapses,
then I would suspend granting her any more favors". Or, one can
imagine St Jude coming out of his slumber and contemplates, it is proper
that I browse through the Island today, and check whether Maria Theresa
has not forgotten to thank me for that extraordinary favor I bestowed
upon her the other day, and thereby saved her delicate reputation. Indeed,
if she has failed to show her appreciation by not printing her thank
you ad in The Island, she would never receive any more benefactions
Naturally, all such 'thank you' messages have got the godless 'heathen'
like yours truly perplexed.
For an example lets assume that Mary Magdalena has cuckolded her husband
and St Anthony miraculously helped her cover up her transgression by
helping her slip off from getting nabbed by her husband? Quite a small
potato favor. The local priest could have washed her sins away for a
paltry utterance of nine Hail Marys and what's more, it wouldn't be
hard on her purse either.
Or, are these thank you ads speaking of some real big rip offs, say
something like the 'donation of Constantine'. Now that's a big time.
For those ignorant of Catholic church's history; this incident took
place in 774 when Pope Hadrian summoned Emperor Charlemagne to the Vatican
and laid before him a document, purporting to be a deed executed by
Constantine granting central Italy "until the end of the world"
to Pope Sylvester and his holy successors.
This document is known today as "the Donation of Constantine"
and is a universally acknowledged forgery.
Now that's the sort of help one can be really be grateful for. Personally
I would have put in several thank you notes for that one; after all,
it did hoodwink a whole lot of people for a whole lot of time.
The question that really kept buzzing around my head was why such 'thank
you' ads shouldn't appear in any of the hard core Catholic countries
such as Spain or Italy, why particularly in Lankan dailies. Then it
dawned upon me that, these saints wake up at the same time as the Sri
Lankan do, and naturally they would wish to have a crisp English news
paper to browse through in the morning. That's why perhaps Pope has
given a special dispensation that all such 'thank you ads' should be
placed in the English dailies of Sri Lanka, and he has instructed these
saints to read only the papers printed in Sri Lanka ..
On Monday (12th March) the Norwegian capital of Oslo held the World
Premier to full house for a documentary called "My daughter the
terrorist,". The documentary was financed by Norwegian Government's
"Film fund" which contributed 250.000 Norwegian Kroner and
the Norwegian Free Speech Foundation which contributed 1.000.000 and
the film was directed by Beate Arnestad.
But her dreams could have been fulfilled more painlessly. If the local
Catholic priest has relayed to her some standard well practiced, result
oriented procedures, and she wouldn't then need to do such bloodthirsty
work. A saint could have handled it more effortlessly. She needed only
to have prayed in her request to the appropriate patron saint for the
favor she desires, and once that's granted, just show her appreciation
by placing a 'thank you' ad in any Sri Lankan daily. Indeed if I may,
I can hypothesize how she should formulate her prayer too; 'Holy virgin,
destroy your enemies the Sinhalese Buddhist chauvinists and those idol
worshipping Hindus, and deliver this fair land unto the hands of the
true believers of the holy Catholic Church.' Simple and effective.
PRAYER TO THE VIRGIN-MARY (never known to
One could read full text in any Sri Lankan daily as I dare not proceed
with the full incantation for a vital reason; the Holy mother may misunderstand
my intentions and take it as if I need a favor, and exactly at this
point of history I don't need to bump off anybody. But the point I am
striving to make in quoting this particular standard prayer is, the
manner in which it exhorts the 'thankee' what he or she should do in
return for the favors granted. For it specifies that:
Now you must be thinking why the hell should I be concerned as to any
favors granted, or how big the favor that was granted to some Tom, Dick
or Mary? That observation is well taken. The point is, I have been thinking
seriously of placing a 'thank you' ad myself. Well actually, not for
something I got done personally. Indeed I don't pray to any mother's
son for what I need, but go right out and get it. But what I had in
mind was something which the whole world should have been grateful for.
Specifically I am thinking of placing a 'thank you' ad to the Holy Ghost
for coming to the aid to those defenseless children. What I had in mind
goes like this:
"Thank you Holy Ghost for helping to expose the Roman Catholic
clergy's sexual abuses in US and other western countries followed by
successful prosecutions. I am beseeching thee that please do the same
thing in Sri Lanka. Since the Catholics landed on this Paradise Island
in 1505 they have turned it into a living hell. Dear infant Jesus, if
you grant me this wish within three days as these Catholic ads proclaim,
then I will put in a 'thank you' ad in all Sri Lankan dailies. But if
you don't do it in three days then this contract is null and void."
We now know why the industrialized Catholic countries such as Spain
and Italy discourage such uncouth ads. If they do, they will be the
laughing stock of Europe. So they move shop to such mindless Buddhist
countries such as Sri Lanka.
These destabilizing forces in the Island nation can be easily recognized!
Sinhalese Buddhist chauvinist has not heeded Mettannanda's findings
vis-à-vis Catholic action in the 1960s. And, he prophesied it
all. What he predicted has now come to pass and more. Now we realize
that this insidious organization has a singular aim. Keep the Island
of Sri Lanka destabilized and poverty ridden. Which would be of help
when they sell the Judeo Christens hollow truths to these dull natives?
And, as an instrument of that policy, they have created a terrorist
monster. Thus in these absurd ads we recognize an extension of the same
Catholic action agenda of destabilization.
Today, the Sinhalese Buddhist chauvinists are fighting a shadowy enemy. They must identify their enemy first instead of shadow boxing. Buddhist tolerance is taken as a weakness by all these Judeo Christians sects. Until such time they penetrate this subtle truth they will be at the mercy of every passing Catholic saint, holy cowboy nun or Uncle Tom.
Disclaimer: The comments contained
within this website are personal reflection only and do not necessarily
reflect the views of the LankaWeb. LankaWeb.com offers the contents
of this website without charge, but does not necessarily endorse the
views and opinions expressed within. Neither the LankaWeb nor the individual
authors of any material on this Web site accept responsibility for any
loss or damage, however caused (including through negligence), which
you may directly or indirectly suffer arising out of your use of or
reliance on information contained on or accessed through this Web site.
© 1997-2004 www.lankaweb.Com
Newspapers Ltd. All rights reserved.