Asoka Weerasinghe Kings Grove Crescent . Gloucester . Ontario . Canada

Mr. Erik Solheim
Norwegian Environment and International Development Minister
Parliament of Norway
Oslo, Norway

Hei Erik:

Your statement congratulating President Mahinda Rajapaksa on his re-election in which you specifically and deliberately stated ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢¢”š¬…”ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-To achieve sustainable peace in Sri Lanka, a political solution must be found that safeguards the rights of all the countryƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s minorities, including the TamilsƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚, has created a problem for you as well as for me, who keeps trying to defend you as a good Viking.

HereƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s our problem Erik. Once a month a group of us Sri Lankan-expatriates meet at a home, we rotate the venue, to have a beer, or a tea, or sometimes have a wade and a thosai clout and shoot the breeze and reminisce our good old days back in Sri Lanka.

The group includes Roger Duckworth (Burgher, ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”RDƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ ), Selva Thambiah (Colombo Tamil, STƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢), Thurairaja Kanagasabai (Jaffna Tamil, TKƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢), Chelvan Sundaram (Batticaloa Tamil, ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”CSƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢),ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  Sunil Dalal (Borah, ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”SDƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢), Tuwan Dool (Malay, TD) and of course, yours truly,ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚ Asoka Weerasinghe (Sinhalese, AW).

I suppose you might find it interesting that the three Tamil friends of mine consider themselves as three different species of the genus ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”TamilƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢. ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚ ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚ They hate to align themselves even as distant cousins. ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚ And most of the time during our conversations I act as Ban Ki-moon the peacemaker when they go at each otherƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s jugulars when discussing TK wanting his separate state Eelam.ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  I am sorry I deviated a bit, but hereƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s how the conversation went when we met last evening.

RD ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢¢”š¬…” ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-What is so big about the Tamils for that salmon eating Viking bastard Erik Solheim not to recognize us Burghers as a minority when he made that stupid statement to President Rajapaksa?ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚

SD ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢¢”š¬…” ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-I heard that his wife is Tamil, is that true?ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚

AW ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢¢”š¬…” ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-Now, now, Sunil, donƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢t make up stories about this good Viking.ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  By the way Roger, I understand that he hates salmon but he loves that stinky Lutefisk.ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚

TK ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢¢”š¬…” ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-I am glad that Solheim recognized us Tamils specifically, because he has realized that we were the minorities that were most discriminated by the majority Sinhalese.ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚

AW ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢¢”š¬…” ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-You got my goat, just donƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢t go there KanagsƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚¦discriminated, my foot.ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  You buggers had the best of everything and you are belly aching now. WhatƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s wrong with you Tamils?ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  See what your family isƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚¦your father was the Jaffna District head land-surveyor, paid by the Sri Lanka government; your Mother was the principal of the Government CollegeƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚¦now what is the name of that school?; and your brother Thambi was handed the job as the Chief Irrigation Engineer for that District at the age of 36, passed down by another Tamil when he retired.ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  Not that there werenƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢t better and experienced and senior Sinhalese engineers on the block, and paid by the GovernmentƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚¦and paid a bloody good salary too.ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  So cut that bullshit man. ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚ ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚ You Tamils think that you have the God given right to own all of Sri Lanka and to suppress the progress of us Sinhalese. ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚ Remember, you buggers enjoyed being the ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-privileged minorityƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚ and my people were the ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-wronged majorityƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚ for over a century. LetƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s not deviate from our subject Erik ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚ Solheim.ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  He is a good man, he has been a friend of all Sri Lankans and just not the Tamils.ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚

TD ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢¢”š¬…” ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-What the heck did you smoke this morning AsokaƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚¦ are you going bonkus? ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚ This is the Viking bastard, according to Karuna,ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚ who told Prabhakaran in front of him that the Norwegians were always with the Tamil Tigers; gifted a 6ft TV screen to Prabhakaran, a TV addict despite the former Deputy Minister Vida Helgessen objecting to it; who funded the Tamil Tigers; who showed the Tamil Tigers NorwayƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s military bases and donated high powered transmitters; he had advised Prabhakaran how to govern like running his military outfit; Solheim had given 16 million kroner to Anton Balasingham immediately after the signing of the Ceasefire Agreement in February 2002 in Oslo and Karuna had been witness to this transaction and he says that they bought arms and ammunition with that money and unloaded the armoury 40 days after the Ceasefire was signed; and got his Scadinavian Ceasefire Monitors to let 11ships unload sophisticated weapons during the ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-ceasefireƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ period and sneak them into land through the Mullaitivu beachƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚

AW ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢¢”š¬…” ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-Come on Tuwan, thatƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s a load of bull!ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚

TD ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢¢”š¬…” ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-I thought you could read Asoka.ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  You are not an illiterate, are you?ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  I read man.ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  That is how I came to know all this.ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚

AW ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢¢”š¬…” ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-Chelvan, How come you seem to be silent?ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  HavenƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢t you got anything to say?ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚

CS ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢¢”š¬…” ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-Not really, as I love the man.ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  Solheim gave my people ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚ money, weapons to fight the Eelam war and almost gave us our EelamƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚.

RD– ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-Yea!, the next time he tries it IƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢llƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  whip his ugly pink arse.ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚

AWƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢¢”š¬‚ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-Now, now Roj, donƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢t get so violent.ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  Erik is a good man.ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  He is giving us a lot of money to develop the North.ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚

RD ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢¢”š¬…” ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-Yes what about the South?ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  I suppose there are too many Sinhalese and Burghers living there and we donƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢t throw pajama parties for him like what Prabhakaran did, I suppose!ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚

AW– ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-Catty, Catty arenƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢t you?ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚

Erik, that is how this conversation went.ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  Now you realize how stupid you can be creating problems for you and me.ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  It is difficult for me to defend you when you let Sri Lankans know that you still have a ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”love-inƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ with the Tamils.ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  Let them go Erik!

Prabhakaran is dead and gone!ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  Tamil Chelvan is dead and gone!ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  I know it hurts you as I was told that you sobbed like a baby sitting on the swivel chair in your office when you heard that the Tamil Tigers had been whipped in to oblivion last May, whose leadership you wanted to save demanding a ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-CeasefireƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ from President Rajapaksa and he asked you to ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-Go, fly a kiteƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚. ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚ ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚ Tough tiddy! Erik. That is how the cookie crumbles!

Well what the heck did you expect ErikƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚¦didnƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢t these Tamil Tiger rascals know that when you live by the gun that you eventually die by the gun?

This conversation I had with my buddies should teach you a damn good lesson and get it into your thick skull once and for all -ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  Sri Lanka is made of many ethnic communities, just not Tamils.ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  The minorities consist of Burghers, Malays, ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚ Muslims, Borahs, Colombo Chetties, Chinese, Kaffirs and a few other mini groups.ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  So just be careful not to hurt the pride of their communities however mini they are.

If you want to continue having ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”¹…”love-insƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢ with the Tamils it is your prerogative, but I canƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢t defend you anymore.

And President Rajapaksa has made it quite clear that Sri Lanka has no majorities and ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚ no minorities.ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  That Sri Lanka is made of two groups, those who love Sri Lanka and those who do not love Sri Lanka.ƒÆ’-¡ƒ”š‚  And you know which category I fit into, donƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢t you Erik?

Unless you correct yourself on Sri LankaƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢s ethnography, I donƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ¢-¾‚¢t think I can defend you anymore as a good lutefisk eating Viking, a good peace-maker, nor save your skin when some angry Sri Lankans want to whip your ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ…-ugly, pink arse.ƒÆ’‚¢ƒ¢-¡‚¬ƒ”š‚

Vi snakkes, Ha det!

Asoka Weerasinghe