By Lucien Rajakarunanayake Courtesy The Island

There is a huge opening for kattadiyas or exorcists with Health and Yahapalanaya.

The Minister of Health, and none other, says the Prime Minister himself ordered him to go abroad for surgery because there were rumours that someone has engaged in exorcism to curse him.

What a wonderful Prime Minister this is. Not only showing such concern for the health of his ministers, but even considering the dangers of exorcism to the Health Minister’s health, as to direct him to go abroad to Singapore for surgery. And the Presidents Fund had to meet the cost of anti-exorcist surgery, which came to around Rs 10 million.

This has nothing to do with the hugely wasteful expenditures on Members of Parliament and Ministers by way of the import of luxury vehicles for their electoral, political and personal work. It is also not associated with the monthly bonus of Rs, 100,000 all MPs receive, at the PM’s initiative, for their electorate functions. This is something very special. It is about the health of a minister of health and indigenous medicine, too.

What is important is how this special exorcism protection to the Minister of Health, opens the way for all those endangered by the ways of the devil, or the tactics and strategies of those who pray to the demons and make special offerings or poojas – or Yaksha Poojas – to cause harm to them, especially when needing surgery; to escape from the demons by going abroad.

This is a real bonus for the Kattadi Kattiya – the sorcerers and exorcists, devil dancers, black magicians, necromancers and hoodoo specialists to soon be on the top list of professionals, making money by ensuring customers are sent abroad for surgery or any other serious medical treatment.

This will certainly outdo the debate on SAITM, and all that talk about the professional disadvantages that the medical profession will face with the new Inland Revenue laws. To hell with Inland Revenue, what they, especially the surgeons, have to fear are the kattadiyas and their sorcery or exorcism.

There is also a beneficial factor for doctors with this new recognition of the power of black magic. A patient who has to go abroad for surgery or medical treatment to escape necromancy, can always ask to be accompanied by a doctor (or two) who will see that they get the best attention when abroad.

There is also a new wave of activity among exorcists and sorcerers who are using Facebook and other social media to send messages about the type of serious black magic or hocus-pocus they can do, and spread the word about it, so a patient could obtain the funds and facilities to travel abroad for treatment. We’re told there is a new “Videsh Kattadi Sevaya” – Foreign Exorcist Service – that has been launched for this purpose, and it is using the best digital technology to get the best results, certainly not any demonic rituals.

Those studying the immediate political impact of this hoodoo decision by the Prime Minister know that a Kattadi Sahana Varaprasadaya – Exorcist Relief Privilege – will be added to the parliamentary privileges of all MPs, and it won’t be long before there are many applications to the Speaker to make arrangements for MPs to travel abroad for surgery and other medical needs, giving protection from the crooked exorcists in this country.

It is also reported that discussions are on with both astrologers and exorcists in India, as well as the Poosalis of important Hindu Kovils, and members of the medical profession and hospitals there, to make Indian hospitals considered specially privileged places to have Exorcism Free Surgery and Medical Attention for Sri Lankan MPs, politicians, senior state personnel and others in need of such services. The Poosalis of kovils will offer a special service of chanting prayers to overcome the harmful effects of the Kattadi Kattiya exorcisms or sorcery done in Sri Lanka. This will have an additional fee, also privileged for MPs.

There are also reports from foreign media that medical organizations abroad are seeking to make contact with the Videsh Kattadi Sevaya (VKS) in Sri Lanka, so that their hospitals would be kept informed of sorceries and black magic done against politicians and other important people here, so that speedy arrangements could be made for their travel to important hospitals and clinics abroad for the services needed. The VKS will, of course, receive an agreed commission on every patient who comes abroad on their information.

This is certainly a huge move in the progressive transformation of medical services in this country. It is the acceptance of the ability and power of the Kattadi Karyaya or Exorcist System in the country, and its contribution to better medical treatment for our patients. It opens the way for international studies on the powers of the Sri Lankan Exorcists and Black Magicians, giving this country a very special place in the world of modern medicine, showing the importance of hoodoo and necromancy in the study of medicine and treatment of patients. Our Medical Faculties, whenever they open again, will certainly include this in their syllabi.

One thing our Kattadi Kattiya will have to explain is why the demons they can activate with such power and venom in Sri Lanka have no power abroad. Will they take action to launch a Foreign-based Demon Action Sorceries in the coming months of Yahapalanaya? They will surely have the Prime Minister’s and Health Minister’s support for such a move, which will increase employment in the demon brigades.

All hail the Sorcerers of Sri Lanka – the pathfinders to the new realities in Modern Medicine.